3 Questions to Ask Yourself to Figure Out What You Really Want

Key Takeaways

Stanford's "Designing Your Life" course offers three questions to uncover "unfinished business."
Visualize your future on your current path to confront inaction's consequences.
Consider alternative paths if your current situation were to disappear unexpectedly.
Imagine your ideal life without any constraints or societal expectations.
Implement insights through small, low-stakes experiments called "prototypes."

The episode introduces three powerful questions developed by Stanford University professors Bill Burnett and Dave Evans.
These questions are part of Stanford's 'Designing Your Life' course, aiming to help individuals re-evaluate their lives.
The objective is to identify "unfinished business" and reveal new possibilities for personal growth.
The host expresses excitement for the audience to explore these questions alongside her, as noted at 3:39.

The first question prompts individuals to visualize their life in five years if their current path remains unchanged.
This exercise provides a realistic, often confronting, look at potential outcomes, such as career dissatisfaction due to AI or worsening sleep.
The discussion extends to relationships, warning against passively sliding into unfulfilling commitments, as detailed at 11:51.
The question encourages an honest self-assessment regarding one's work, relationships, and overall life direction, highlighted at 13:28.

Visualizing a future self and path can reveal that current circumstances do not have to persist.
Research from the University of Munich indicates that vivid future visions boost positive emotions, increase goal commitment, and lead to more progress.
Negative future visualizations can also motivate change by highlighting the pain of inaction versus the effort required for positive change.
The host quotes James Clear, stating every action is a "vote for one's future self," signaling a need for change if the current path is undesirable.

The second question, termed the 'rug pull,' asks: 'If the path you're on disappeared tomorrow, what would you do?'
This question is designed to prompt reflection on alternative paths by considering 'Plan B' scenarios before a crisis occurs, as introduced at 26:36.
Examples include a marketing professional transitioning to freelancing and a dancer teaching after a career-ending injury.
The host encourages listeners to consider possibilities beyond their current roles, such as developing a flower farm or writing a fantasy trilogy, as mentioned at 31:04.

Individuals often struggle to see their own options, readily offering advice to others but remaining stuck themselves.
Hypothetical scenarios, such as job loss or a difficult job market, prompt listeners to proactively brainstorm options before a crisis occurs.
This approach prevents fear from paralyzing individuals when faced with necessary changes, as explained at 35:03.
By asking 'what if,' listeners can begin to identify potential pivots and acknowledge they possess more options than typically believed, as noted at 38:14.

The third question asks: 'How would life look if there was nothing holding you back?' This encourages disregarding constraints.
Daydreaming, often dismissed, is highlighted as crucial for uncovering true desires beyond choices made for survival or social status, as emphasized at 45:09.
The question prompts consideration of life if one had enough resources, lacked external judgment, and owed nothing to anyone, aligning with intrinsic values.
A 2015 study in the Journal of Positive Psychology found individuals focused on inner values like contribution reported higher life satisfaction and less anxiety.

A visualization exercise prompts listeners to imagine their ideal life without financial or societal constraints, considering activities like coaching or living in nature.
The 'Odyssey plan' exercise encourages embracing the role of a hero in one's own life, highlighting that personal dreams matter.
The host shared her personal experience using this exercise six years prior, envisioning starting a podcast despite extensive corporate speaking engagements for companies like Microsoft and JP Morgan.
Dreaming and writing down possibilities opens up existing avenues for change, emphasizing a life without limitations.

Integrating new insights doesn't require drastic life changes, but rather consistent, small steps.
The host shares an example of her husband, Christopher, who wanted to write a book and integrated this desire by starting a daily writing habit at 59:49.
Prioritizing activities like writing after waking up can lead to a different life path, framed as a core principle from Stanford's "Designing Your Life" course.
The host suggests dedicating just 15 minutes daily to research interests, such as cat names, flower farms, or online nursing programs, to explore new possibilities.

Stanford professors Bill Burnett and Dave Evans' 'Designing Your Life' approach involves creating 'prototypes'—small, low-stakes experiments—to test new ideas.
Individuals should review their answers to life-design questions, identify areas of interest, and brainstorm low-stakes ways to explore them, such as virtual tours or conversations.
Prototyping helps re-evaluate priorities and allocate time, energy, and money towards what truly matters, moving away from wasted resources.
Examples include taking a weekend art class, incorporating nature walks if feeling disconnected, or expanding social circles if seeking marriage.
These small experiments help learn what matters, gain clarity, and discover what energizes individuals, moving away from fixed ideas to embrace possibility.