Why You Need to Add Mattering to Your Vocabulary

Key Takeaways

Mattering is a fundamental human need to feel valued and contribute value.
Erosion of community and stable work structures diminishes mattering, fueling societal crises.
Workplace disengagement, loneliness, and political rage are symptoms of unmet mattering.
AI's rise extends mattering concerns from blue-collar to white-collar jobs.
Fostering mattering involves daily connections, understanding impact, and creating supportive spaces.
Mattering is relational and collective, built within relationships and communities.

Mattering is a meta-need defined as feeling valued by oneself and others, and having the opportunity to contribute value back.
It encompasses belonging but extends deeper, as one can belong without feeling valued.
Unlike status, mattering is described as humble, essential, and not a zero-sum concept.
Guest Jennifer Wallace argues this concept is crucial and actionable, providing a framework for understanding human well-being.

Past structures like community, religious institutions, and stable employment that fostered mattering have eroded due to capitalism and societal shifts.
The unmet need to matter is linked to crises such as loneliness, anxiety, and political rage, driving behaviors from online attacks to extremism.
Workplace disengagement affects approximately 70% of the workforce, acting as a coping mechanism for feeling replaceable and unheard.
This chronic feeling of invisibility at work impacts home life and reduces civic engagement, lowering participation in community activities and voting.

The "mattering crisis," which initially affected blue-collar workers due to globalization and automation, is now expanding to white-collar jobs with the rise of AI.
This widespread sense of being replaceable could potentially unite society by addressing a shared human need.
The guest expresses hope that AI can offload mundane tasks, allowing humans to focus on deeper connections, creativity, and teamwork.
The Dutch supermarket chain Jumbo implemented "slow checkout lanes" in 200 locations to combat loneliness among the elderly, demonstrating a focus on human connection.

Feelings of worthlessness can lead individuals to seek nationalistic pride, citing Donald Trump as an example of exploiting this crisis.
The guest argues that politicizing 'mattering' is harmful, as it is an inherent quality, not a conditional one.
A reframing from 'better than others' to 'better for others' is proposed, emphasizing service and benefiting future generations.
The Buddhist concept of 'mudita' (taking pleasure in others' well-being) is introduced as a way to expand one's own sense of self through others' success.

The SAID framework for mattering includes: Significance (small everyday acknowledgments), Appreciation (valuing the person), Investment (having others invested in one's goals), and Dependence (knowing one is relied upon).
Mattering to oneself is emphasized, suggesting a daily practice of identifying and fulfilling one small personal need.
Envy is discussed as a natural, adaptive emotion that can be processed either maliciously or benignly as motivation, with mattering offering a path for ego extension through others' success.

Connecting employees to their work's impact is crucial for engagement, exemplified by firefighters gaining closure on patient outcomes or an accounting department employee preventing homelessness.
Business leaders can enhance employee engagement and productivity by ensuring their teams understand the difference their work makes.
Individuals are encouraged to connect to their own impact and that of colleagues to foster a sense of mattering.
A daily reflection on adding value and feeling valued is suggested to counteract negativity bias and reinforce significance.

Attunement involves paying close attention to others, patiently overcoming distractions, and responding meaningfully to make a person feel 'felt'.
Rituals and celebrations, even seemingly arbitrary ones like birthdays, affirm people's significance.
'Mattering spaces' are countercultural environments where individuals feel seen and valued, illustrated by a retired man finding community at a local restaurant.
Small, less efficient interactions, such as those with a dry cleaner in New York City, can create energizing 'mattering moments' by fostering human connection.

Mattering is described as being created between people, living in relationships and communities, rather than being an individual achievement.
A 'mattering lens' is advocated, encouraging compassion and understanding that unkind behavior may stem from an individual feeling they do not matter.
The 'work of being a human' is to matter to those around us, fostering fundamental connection.
Self-worth is presented as interdependent, with healthy communities fostering virtuous cycles of mattering that help explain contemporary challenges like teen mental health and gun violence.